Encouragement and praise

Research has shown that children who receive a lot of encouragement develop good self-esteem. Many adults remember what it meant for them to receive encouragement from parents, teachers or other adults. What kind of encouragement do you remember receiving as a child, and how did it boost your self-esteem? What would you like to encourage in your child here and now - that could boost their self-esteem in the future?

Having a good self-esteem helps children to:

  • Try new things
  • Develop friendships
  • Be creative
  • Take on challenges

In the stress of everyday life, it is easy to forget to acknowledge things that go well and instead just react to problems. This can lead to negative patterns, because the things that you pay attention to tend to grow bigger. This is how many conflicts arise. Research shows that parents giving encouragement and praise to their child leads to less conflicts in the family. More positive acknowledgment promotes more positive behaviors. A guideline is to acknowledge your child’s good behavior five times more than you acknowledge their bad behavior.

Think back on the past week. Which situations do you think you missed the opportunity to acknowledge positive behavior?

It can be hard to find something positive to acknowledge if you are stuck in a negative spiral with your child. In this video, a mother talks about how she managed to improve cooperation with her child by starting small:

 

Text Tre viktiga budskap

Message 1 – You can do it!

Children believe they can accomplish things if the parents:

  • Remind them of their past successful attempts.
  • Help them break down a problem into smaller parts. Things are rarely that bad and there are solutions to most problems.
  • Remind them of their strengths.

Message 2 – Your opinions are important!

Children will feel that their opinions are important if the parents:

  • Ask their opinion about family plans and other important family events.
  • Ask them if they have any ideas or solutions to family problems.
  • Ask them to share their feelings and opinions. 

Message 3 – You are important!

Children feel important when parents:

  • Make time for the child every day. 
  • Are interested and involved in their school and after-school activities.
  • Let them know that their parents are also thinking about them when they are not there.
  • Remember what their child has told them.

Remember
  • Encourage your child daily.
  • Be specific in your praise, tell exactly what the child did well.
  • Be patient and accepting when they fail. Children can learn from their mistakes without you being stern and angry.

 

Avoid
  • Using sarcasm or being negative about your child’s ability to succeed. “When are you going to stop being so lazy?”
  • Comparing the child with their siblings. “Your sister did so much better in school.”
  • Reminding your child about their past failures. ”There's always fighting and problems when you are around”.

 

Examples of how you can give encouragement

Do you usually encourage your child? Here are some examples of encouraging phrases. Which ones of these do you think you could say to your child in the coming week?

  • Good work!
  • Keep trying!
  • You’re really good at that!
  • You’re learning a lot!
  • You can do it!
  • You figured that out very quickly!
  • You remembered, that’s great!
  • I like how you solved that!
  • I see that you've been practicing!
  • That was a great choice!
  • It’s great seeing you work so hard!
  • I’m really proud of you!
  • It’s working much better now!

Film examples

Here are some film examples of both dos and don’ts when give encouragement and praise.

Summary

  • Encouragement and praise gives the child a good self-esteem.
  • Research shows that giving encouragement and praise to the child reduces family conflict.
  • The more positive acknowledgment you give, the  more positive behavior you’ll see.
  • A guideline is to acknowledge children’s  good behavior five times more than you acknowledge their bad behavior.